i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize