i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
