Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
