and you said cock pushups were impossible
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
