so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
