Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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