youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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