Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
