I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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