i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Randomize
