i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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