I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
