We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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