we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
