i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
