I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
