I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
