I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
