I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
