I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
