Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
