When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
