so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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