She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
