my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
