did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
