someone threw a dead crab at me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
