At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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