I got chris browned last night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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