I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
