i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
