I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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