Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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