So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
