I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize