is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
