omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
