that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
