I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
