don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
