Me. At least after what I've been through.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
