I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
