Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
