I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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