Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's the barista slut.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
