I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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