I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
