also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
