how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
