Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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