I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
