i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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