I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
