I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
