we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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