my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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