I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize