I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
