a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
