So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I want a musical about memes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
