oh god the rape fog is back!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
