end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
