My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
