Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
