im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
