oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
