Buhtt sex?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
