Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
