His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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